Strong Heat Page 23

  Chapter 17

  One month later

  Kael didn’t how long he sat in his father’s room the day of his passing. And now nearly a week later he was back in his father’s room. He just wanted to feel close to his father again. He wanted to pretend that on that day his father was alive and well and he was just waiting for him to come home. He wanted to pretend the yard was not filled with those who came to pay their respects at the setting up in the days before his funeral.

  He didn’t want to face the fact that his father had gone on to heaven.

  Releasing a shudder filled with grief, Kael hunched his shoulders and rocked as his tears fell and his sadness nearly choked him. His heart—his soul—were broken.

  With his eyes filled with tears, he reached for the photo of his parents and only took a little solace in the fact that at least his parents were together in the afterlife. As good as the thought of that was, he’d rather have his father here with him.

  “I’m real proud of you, son. Real proud.”

  As his father’s words that day on the ranch came back to him, another wave of grief swallowed him like a tide and he cried some more. He mourned some more.

  He had been with his father when Logan Strong took his last laboring breath. His congestive heart failure had led to a heart attack that weakened his heart muscle beyond repair. During the last couple weeks after being admitted to ICU, the doctors had been clear that his days were numbered.

  Still, Kael was not prepared for his father’s death. Everything had happened so quickly between his illness and his death. There was no time to grieve and prepare. To recover and heal.

  Knock-knock.

  Moments later the door opened and Kelli stuck her head inside. “Kael, all of your friends from the hunting club and the Cattleman’s Association are here,” she said, her eyes just as swollen and red with tears as his own.

  He nodded and set the picture on the bed before rising to follow her out of the house. He didn’t bother with a coat even though the February night was still chilly. The cold actually kept him from feeling numb.

  Having a wake of sorts every night up until the funeral was a Southern tradition. And so as it had been since the night of his father’s death, the yard was filled with people talking and reminiscing about his father, a large can filled with burning wood to help warm them. Many were eating of the food their plenty of friends and family had brought for just that reason.

  “Kael, you have to eat something.”

  He looked down at Bea standing there holding a plate filled with fried chicken and fried fish and plenty of side dishes.

  Kael was far from hungry. “No, thank you, Bea,” he said politely, walking away from the woman he still considered a big instigator in the demise of his relationship.

  He mingled with the many clusters of people, hearing over and over again how sorry they were for his loss and how good a man his father was. Was. Dead and gone. Never to be again.

  Needing a break, he walked to the road where cars where lined up and down as far as his eyes could see. He stopped when he spotted Lisha’s red Nova parked on the side of the road as well.

  He was filled with surprise and anger all at once.

  He turned to head back into the yard and there she stood. His gut clenched at how beautiful she looked. “What are you doing here?” he asked coldly, reaching for his anger.

  Lisha took a few steps closer to him. “I wanted to let you know how sorry I am about your father’s passing,” she said.

  He looked away at some spot he never focused on down the road. “Too little, too late,” Kael said, looking at her and forcing himself not to take in that her eyes were puffy, reddened from tears and filled with sorrow.

  “What do you mean?” she asked, shoving her hands into the pockets of the floor-length down coat she wore.

  “Just go away, Lisha,” he bit out between clenched teeth, his eyes flashing with anger.

  “Kael,” she gasped softly in pain and surprise.

  “Go wherever you been for the last month.”

  “You made your choice that day and I respected your wishes,” she said.

  “I made a choice? What choice?” he snapped. “Between you and my sister?”

  “Between the truth and a façade,” she snapped back.

  The air around them crackled with electricity that used to be centered on their desire and now was brimming with their anger and hurt.

  “Look, I should have waited to address your sister and I apologize for letting my anger mess with what I know is right and wrong,” she said, coming closer and pressing her hand on his upper arm.

  “You damn right you should apologize, Lisha,” he said, moving his arm from her grasp.

  Lisha held her hands up. “And you have to respect why I was angry even if I expressed it at the wrong time,” she stressed.

  Kael closed his eyes and let his head fall back before looking down at her again. “I needed you and you were not there for me,” he said bitterly, his eyes filled with tears he would not let fall as he pointed his finger at her accusingly.

  “I was at that hospital every day to see your father—”

  He shook his head. “I needed you,” he stressed again, this time angrily poking his finger into her chest.

  “Kael, I didn’t know that,” Lisha said, her face filled with sorrow as her tears fell. “I thought you didn’t want me there. I called and you never called back. I left a letter in your mailbox and you never answered. That’s why I waited until you and your sister were not there to visit your father. I tried, Kael.”

  “Well, you didn’t try hard enough,” he said, brushing past her.

  “Kael!” Lisha called.

  He ignored her and quickly maneuvered through the crowd to enter the house and slam the door shut.

  Lisha turned and watched him stalk away from her, her mouth open wide in shock. She coughed when she thought she felt a tiny bug fly in and hit her tongue. She was still coughing and sputtering as she crossed the yard following his path.

  “Excuse me?”

  Lisha stopped as Bea suddenly stepped in front of her. She frowned and extended her arm to move her out of the way without saying a word. At the feel of a hand on her wrist, she snatched it away and turned to face Bea with a glare. “Don’t put your hands on me,” she said in a low voice, glad they were away from the crowd and not causing a scene.

  “Acting a fool at the hospital wasn’t enough for you?” Bea snapped.

  Lisha closed her eyes and laughed a bit. “Am I all you and Kelli have to talk about?” she asked. “Oh, no wait, wait, wait, wait . . . . you two also plot how to trap Kael into doing something he obviously doesn’t want to do.”

  “You’re not wanted here,” Bea stressed.

  “And you’re not wanted in Kael’s bed, his life or his heart,” she said with emphasis and a hard glint to her eyes. “Whether you and Kelli are willing to swallow that or not doesn’t matter to me . . . or to him for that matter.”

  Lisha turned and finished her trek across the yard. She wanted to talk to Kael. To make things right with Kael. To be there for Kael.

  Kelli stepped in front of her on the porch, crossing her arms over her chest as she looked down at Lisha. She opened her mouth.

  “MOVE,” Lisha said in a hard voice she barely recognized as her own.

  Kelli opened her mouth again.

  “NOW,” she said in frustration, stepping up onto the step.

  Kelli jumped a bit and then stepped aside.

  Lisha continued up the stairs, her emotions causing her nostrils to flare and her chest to heave as she entered the house. But at the door she stopped, amazed that she could still smell Logan’s cologne. Still feel his presence. Still see his things about the house just as he left them.

  Mr. Strong’s dead.

  She gasped deeply as a wave of pain and loss overwhelmed her. Her hand grasped the doorknob tightly as she leaned her body heavily against the door. It was hard to step into his h
ome and know he would never walk through his own door again.

  Lisha’s shoulders slumped and she dropped her head as tears raced down her cheeks. “Damn,” she whispered. “Damn.”

  Gathering her strength she quickly crossed the living room and rushed down the hall and into the bathroom. She closed the lid on the commode and sat down on it, unrolling tissue to swipe at her eyes.

  Losing Logan and having Kael leave her life was a lot to bear and her shoulders were weighed down with the burden. And so she allowed herself the type of cleansing cry that she needed to release some of the pressure of the last month.

  She had missed Kael—and when he rejected her when she reached out to him to reconcile it had tore at her soul.

  She missed Logan. Although she had a great relationship with her father, Mr. Logan made her feel like he genuinely liked her and was silently rooting for her and Kael to fall in love. For that she had simply adored him.

  And she cried some more. She really didn’t know how much time had passed until she finally swiped away the last of that bout of tears and stood. She smiled sadly as her eyes fell on Mr. Logan’s bottle of Old Spice cologne.

  She sniffed as she checked her reflection. Her eyes were swollen and red. Her nose felt stuffed. A mess. A heartbroken mess.

  Opening the door she stepped into the unlit hall.

  “You okay?”

  Turning in surprise, she held her breath at the sight of Kael leaning in the doorway of his old bedroom. She took steps towards him as she nodded.

  He nodded roughly and then stepped inside his room and firmly shut the door before she could even reach it. “Kael,” she said softly, moving the last few steps to lightly touch the door.

  She patted the wood a few times. “You know I love you but how can I be there for you if you won’t let me?” she asked, her heart pounding.

  Lisha pressed her forehead against the door. “Kael?” she called out to him. “I miss him too, Kael.”

  She closed her eyes and shook her head as she turned to press her back to the door. “And I miss you, Kael. I miss you,” she admitted, her voice showing her torture.

  “We both have to forgive,” she said. “I’m willing if you are.”

  When nothing but the silence remained, Lisha released a short shaky breath before she pushed up off the door and walked down the hall and out of the house.

  Kael had paced as much as he could inside his childhood bedroom until the anger he felt for Lisha subsided. He thought he might pace until he began to wear a hole in the floor. Seeing her again had caught him off guard and he hated that even in the midst of his anger he wanted to hold her close and kiss her. And that made him angrier.

  In truth he walked away from her to keep himself from reaching her.

  Lisha hurt him by causing a scene at the hospital and then retreating from him when he needed her most. But he still wanted her and loved her. The last month had done nothing to squash that.

  Nothing at all.

  Just last week he had been running errands in town and spotted her walking out of the Piggly Wiggly supermarket. The sight of her held him so captive that he sat in his truck and eyed her every step until she finally loaded her grocery bags into the trunk of her car and then pulled away. He felt the loss of her from his life so intensely in that moment . . . just as he had tonight.

  Kael swung at the air, clenching and unclenching his fist. Needing to be free of the room that suddenly felt like a cage, he turned and snatched open the door. He had just passed the bathroom when he stopped and turned to stand by the closed door.

  Someone was crying—deep heart-wrenching tears that caused an ache in him. He raised his hand to knock but pulled back, not sure he wanted the burden of comforting someone when he felt so lost and alone himself.

  The person whimpered and his brows dipped. “Lisha?” he mouthed.

  A deep pang hit his heart. The sound of her tears tore at him. He wanted to comfort her. He couldn’t leave her completely alone.

  Not the way she left him.

  Stepping back from the door, he released a heavy breath as he leaned against the door frame of the bedroom. Long moments passed until the door finally opened. His gut clenched as she stepped into the hall.

  “You okay?” he asked.

  Lisha turned. Her face was filled with surprise at the sight of him. She took steps towards him as she nodded.

  She’s so damn beautiful.

  As his heart betrayed his anger, Kael nodded roughly and then stepped inside his room. He shut the door, needing a physical barrier between them because the emotional one he fought so hard to maintain was failing him.

  Kael dropped down on the edge of his bed and wiped his face with his hands. His anger at Lisha had subsided but the hurt he felt still remained. He wished she would just go home and leave him be . . . just as she left him during the weeks of his father’s illness.

  “Kael.”

  He looked up at the door at the sound of her voice coming through it. After a month apart, Lisha was just a couple of feet and a few inches of wood away from him.

  Pat-pat-pat.

  “You know I love you but how can I be there for you if you won’t let me?” she asked.

  Kael stood up and took the few steps to stand by the door. He started to say: “Why was a stupid argument with my sister more important than being there for me?” But he didn’t. He just turned and pressed his back to the door visualizing her on the other side.

  “Kael?” she called out again. “I miss him too, Kael.”

  He grimaced and shook his head.

  “And I miss you, Kael. I miss you.”

  I miss you too.

  “We both have to forgive,” she said. “I’m willing if you are.”

  Kael’s thoughts shifted to his father’s death and he just didn’t have the energy or the will to deal with Lisha. He missed his father and that was a bigger hurdle he had to cross than a relationship.

  At her continued silence, he opened the door.

  The hallway was empty. Lisha was gone.

  “You ready?”

  Lisha nodded at her reflection as she turned away from her mirror, dressed in a simple black dress with a veiled hat. She smiled at Junie, who stood in the doorway also dressed solemnly in a black pantsuit. She nodded at her cousin as she left her bedroom. Her parents stood up from the sofa and turned to eye her with concern.

  “I really thank y’all for going with me,” she said, before her lips quivered and tears fell.

  Her mother came from around the couch and hugged her close. “We know you really cared for Kael’s father and that love doesn’t go away because you and Kael . . .”

  The rest of her mother’s words faded and the reminder that her time with the man she loved had come to an end intensified her pain and grief. She pressed her wet face into her mother’s neck and enjoyed the feel of being soothed by rocking like a child. “Aw, Mama,” she wailed, her voice breaking.

  Everything had just gone horribly wrong all at once.

  When she left that day in the hospital, she never thought it would truly be the last time she laid eyes on Kael for nearly a month, but after trying so hard to call him and write to him, and to never get a response, she assumed she was the last person he wanted to lay eyes on. And so she made sure he didn’t.

  The bitter irony of finally finding a man who loved her in spite of her faults, and to love her in spite of her vow to remain a virgin, and to have that all ended over something so silly as his conniving sister. The last month of her life had been pure hell. She barely ate and she hardly stopped crying.

  “We better go if we want to get a seat,” her father said, coming over to rub and pat her back.

  Lisha nodded and stepped back to open her purse and pull out a handkerchief. But then that reminded her of the day she found Mr. Strong sick at his house, and the grief of his death was fresh all over again. Her tears fell anew.

  Her father guided her out the door and down the stairs to the Buic
k, helping her inside the rear before opening her mother’s door and then moving to the driver’s seat. Once Junie climbed in beside her, her cousin took her hand in hers and held it tightly.

  She had only known Mr. Strong for a little over seven months but she missed him already and she knew Kael had to be racked with even more grief than she could even imagine.

  Lisha honestly didn’t know if more of her tears were for the loss of Mr. Strong or for the loss to her life of his son. Her regrets were many.

  I needed you and you were not there for me.

  Guilt floated over her and all of the emotions made her feel drained and weak and tired. She let her fixation of his blind trust of his sister cloud her better judgment: first by arguing with Kelli at the hospital and then by staying away from him.

  As her father parked outside Holtsville Baptist Church, Lisha wiped her eyes and sniffled before she lowered the veil of her hat over her eyes.

  There was already a large crowd of people outside the church waiting for the church staff to open the doors and allow them entrance. Lisha barely paid attention to where they moved as she blindly followed her father. Several people murmured and whispered as she passed. She ignored them.

  She was here to say good-bye to a good man. Trying to reason with Kael wasn’t even on her agenda.

  Lisha looked up at the skies. They were cloudy with no sign of the sun, casting the morning in shadows. She felt like that gray sky.

  The processional led by the funeral home’s Cadillac hearse turned into the parking lot. The hearse pulled up near the church and the men inside it climbed out to remove the casket as the family and those in the cars following were arranged behind it. The doors to the church opened but the crowd was kept at bay with a clear path made.

  Lisha rested her head on her father’s shoulder as Kelli’s husband climbed out before helping her. Kael exited through the other door of the family car and came around to join them, looking handsome but solemn in a black suit, tie and shirt.